In my business, you encounter successful people, and you encounter unsuccessful people. If you do this enough, you form theories about what differentiates the two. This particular post was inspired by someone that I was recently asked to mentor. A friend of mine has a niece that has struggled to find her way in the professional world. Now in her 30s, she is unemployed, a single mother who isn’t doing well financially, and isn’t happy with her situation.
I agreed to help her a bit. I would help her write a resume’ that would get interviews, help her with a cover letter, set her up on the major job boards (including LinkedIn), and show her how to quickly and effectively apply for the administrative jobs that she was seeking. I would NOT refer her to any employers or vouch for her, because this would be an extension of my reputation and credibility. She was fine with this. I told her that I’d do this on one condition: That she devote at least two hours a day to her job search, applying to as many applicable positions as she could. No problem.
In this short episode, I’ve witnessed the three characteristics that I’m about to discuss with you – in reverse. By the way, this is not an exhaustive list. I’ve known many, many very successful people, and they are as diverse as you can imagine – but if you were to draw a Venn diagram of all their characteristics, every one would intersect at these three.
I should also add one other caveat: By “Successful,” I mean “Successful at life.” Some of these people make millions every year; others may never top $30,000 in income. However, they are all happy, self sufficient, a positive influence on those around them, and live lives of consequence. With those caveats in place, here are the three characteristics:
1. They have strong impulse control. Look, we all know that there are times when it would be much more fun to just tell the boss off, hit on the pretty secretary, or give someone a wedgie at the company Christmas party. I’ve been there and had those impulses (well, OK, I’ve given in to one of them but I won’t tell which one). Successful people measure their responses to high-stimulus situations and refrain from indulging in impulses that lead to negative situations.
In this young woman’s case, the reason that she was unemployed was that she showed up five minutes late to work one day. When the boss reprimanded her for it, she made some comments to the boss that the boss didn’t appreciate -and thus, she was history.
Why was she late? Because she stopped for cigarettes. Low impulse control.
2. They have strong future-time orientation. Just a note here. I’m about to get very controversial, at least according to the Google search that I did on this topic. Apparently there are a lot of cultural and psychological implications to this term. If you want to read them, go right ahead, but you’ll have to search – I won’t do it for you.
Essentially, by my definition, “Future-time orientation” means “Understanding the implications of today’s acts on tomorrow’s results (positive and negative), and building your activities around your desired results.” By example, salespeople exhibit strong future-time orientation when they engage in prospecting activities and other funnel-building activities. Seldom will a prospecting call today result in a sale today (although there are those wonderful times), but a prospecting call today can result in a sale tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year – and successful salespeople work in that direction.
Every successful person I’ve ever known has strong future-time orientation. They envision where they want to be at a future point in time, then actively work in that direction. Most unsuccessful people I’ve known do the opposite – they live in the ‘now,’ engage in activities that produce immediate gratification, and to hell with tomorrow.
By the way, “future-time orientation” doesn’t mean living strictly for the future and delaying all gratification. I like to think that my own life is a mix. For instance, if I have a speaking engagement in a fun city like Las Vegas or Miami, I’ll give a great speech, I’ll collect names, and segment out those that I want to approach for sales (future-time). But if I’m in one of those cities, I might also take an extra day in my trip as a ‘fun day’ for me (now orientation). That’s a mix that works really well for me.
In this young woman’s case, as we were working on her resume’ and profiles, my first real sign of trouble was when she said, “This is really great, Troy….but my problem is that I need income NOW.” I explained to her that if she didn’t do this, not only would she not have income now, but she wouldn’t next month, either. In hindsight, she didn’t get it.
3. They associate with other successful people. One of the first pieces of advice I gave her was this: “If you want to be successful at life, associate with other people who are successful at life.” Remember my definition of “successful at life” above. From talking to the young woman, I knew that most of her friends didn’t fit that description, and I recommended that she get out to business functions, such as Chamber after-hours meetings, and meet some new people.
Your closest friends and associates will either build you up or break you down. This is usually a function of their own security with themselves; people who are secure in themselves are not threatened by others’ success. One of my speaking heroes, Craig Valentine, refers to this as the ‘crabs in a bucket’ syndrome. If you put crabs in a bucket, they’ll sit there….then sooner or later, one will try to climb out. And what will the others do? Well…they’ll reach up and pull that crab back down into the bottom of the bucket. Are your closest friends crabs? It’s unfortunate that, as we move toward success, sometimes we do have to eliminate people from our lives that drag us down. Every successful person I know has done this – and you might, too.
Two days after our second session, I emailed the young woman and asked her if she’d put in her two hours. She replied, “Troy, I haven’t. I’m a mess. My boyfriend (of five months – Troy’s note) was stopped by the police and he had warrants in four different jurisdictions in Kansas City, so I’m freaking out and trying to get to talk to him. To be honest, I need money to buy a phone card. Can I borrow….” I’m not going to repeat the rest of the story. No, I didn’t loan her money, and I haven’t responded. It’s pointless.
I do realize that some of you reading this might think ill of me – that I’m mean, or stingy with my time, or even snobbish (when I told this story to one person, she used that term). Some might think I should continue to try to work with her. I’m not. My time is valuable, as is yours, and I choose not to spend it on those who won’t help themselves.
I should also point out that I don’t believe that the three characteristics are “traits.” Traits cannot be learned or adapted. They are “characteristics” because they are foundational to our approach to life – and I do believe that they are learned behaviors. And as such, they are behaviors that you can incorporate into your own approach to your life and your career.
